The Beginning of Always
by ClariceCarter
Summary: When Severus calls Lily Evans a Mudblood, he is forced to realize the consequences of his actions; facing the loss of the only one who ever mattered, and the beginning of Always. One-Shot.


_The Beginning of Always_

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath."

Severus Snape stared guiltily into the fierce dark eyes of Lily Evans. Her fiery hair fanned out across her heart shaped face, licking her cheeks like angry flames, and dancing across her furrowed brows. She crossed her arms in a defensive stance across her long black nightgown. Standing in the darkness, her willowy body illuminated only by a sliver of the silvery moonlight, she looked positively wicked.

"I only came out here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

Severus stood awkwardly, wringing his hands nervously as he stared into Lily's unforgiving eyes.

"I was," he spoke in a small voice, " I would have. Lily, I'm so sorry, I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just sort of-"

_"Slipped out?"_ Lily spat, mercilessly, "Please Severus, it's too late. I've been making excuses for you for years now… none of my friends even understand why I talk to you! You and your creepy Death Eater friends all practicing to be one of _His _followers… See? You don't even deny it!"

And though her emerald eyes pierced with anger, her melodic voice finally broke with sadness.

"You just can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

Severus glanced into her perfect eyes, wishing desperately that he could tell her she was wrong… his heart ached as he watched a single tear cascade across her pale cheek. Of all the things he would come to regret in his world, he knew that he could never forgive himself for making Lily Evans cry…

"We can't keep doing this, Sev. Pretending."

"Lily, don't." Severus finally broke his silence, his voice cracking with his desperation. If he could just stop her from speaking….. calm her down just one more time….. Everything would have to stay the same, wouldn't it?

"Sev… it's obvious isn't it? You've chosen your way-"

"Lily, please… please," Severus begged, trying to override her speech with his own desperate cries.

"-and I've chosen mine." Lily finished adamantly, her voice shaking slightly with nerves, and her eyes swimming in a sea of tears.

"Lily," Severus pleaded, his voice straining as it tore through the knot lodged in his throat. He shook his head violently, trying to shake off her words, refusing to accept where she was steering the conversation. He launched himself forward, grasping her delicate hands tightly into his own, pulling her closer to him, as though if he held onto her tightly enough, she could never leave him behind…

"Lily, please….. please listen to me, you don't know what you're saying-"

She opened her mouth to interrupt him, but he only spoke faster.

"No- listen! I didn't mean-"

"- to call me Mudblood?" Lily asked, as another tear made a silent free-fall from her emerald eyes. She spoke softly, but there was no mistaking her accusatory tone, as her words hung like a storm cloud over their heads.

"Maybe not, Severus….. but you call everyone like me Mudblood. What makes me any different?"

She began to pull her hands gently from his, but he only grasped them harder.

"Lily, please…. Don't do this!" He begged, his own eyes sparkling with tears which threatened to fall. "I didn't mean it… I'll never say it again, I swear, I'll change, I-"

"You know it's more than just that Sev. We both do. James was right, we-"

"_Potter?_ That's what this is about? I'm not good enough for _Potter_?" Severus spat with frustration, an incredulous look distorting his handsome features. "Tell me, Lily, when did you trade in your beliefs for _his_ standards? Because the Lily Evans I know would see him for the arrogant ass he is, not chase after him like every other piece of pathetic trash in this place. But maybe I was wrong about you."  
>Lily winced as though she had been slapped across the face. Severus immediately regretted turning on her, all he wanted was to apologize and have his best friend back… Lily managed to recover from his insult enough to hold a steady gaze into Severus' onyx eyes as she delivered her final blow.<p>

"And the Severus I knew would have never tried to hurt me like this. He would have never left me behind for a group of 'friends' who would sacrifice him for their own selfishness. He would never have traded in the goodness of his heart for the evil of the world. And the Severus I knew would have loved me…. Always."

She finally pulled her hands free of his, walking slowly back to the Gryffindor portrait hole, leaving Severus to desperately grasp for the words that he just couldn't find. Lily turned hesitantly to face Severus once more before entering the portrait hole. The tears had now begun to flow freely from her large emerald eyes. When she finally forced herself to speak, her voice quavered as she choked back her sobs.

"I guess maybe we were both wrong."

She turned and disappeared behind the portrait, which slammed to a close, echoing throughout the corridor like a thundering bullet, locking her away from Severus, and locking Severus away from his world….

He stood frozen in the corridor, desperately clinging to the false hope that she might return, running back into his arms, her fiery mane dancing behind her, as she looked into his onyx eyes with her own perfect emeralds. But he knew the truth….. this wasn't just a fight…. This was goodbye.

Lily's voice rang through Severus' ears, as her words relentlessly tormented his mind;

"_And the Severus I knew would have loved me…. Always. I guess maybe we were both wrong."_

"But I do…. I love you." Severus finally managed to choke out; with no one to hear his words, his confession, like his tears, falling into the empty silence.

He felt everything inside him freeze, as he was forced to realize that he had just lost the one person who had ever meant anything to him. He had lost his best friend, his only confidant, the love of his life…. His entire world. Nothing in his life had meaning without her…..how could it? His mind was gone, his soul was lost… and his heart could not just simply be broken, moreover, irreparably shattered.

Tears poured shamelessly in an endless stream from his eyes as he began to grasp his bleak reality. Losing Lily Evans was the mistake he'd be forced to regret for the rest of his life. Lily Evans was his reason, the only meaning he had in his life, the one good thing he had managed to find in his miserable life. And despite what she believed, the horrid thought he had caused her to embrace as truth, he had loved her. And would continue to love her still…. Always.

**A/N: Hello All! This is just a little one-shot that wouldn't leave me alone while I was working on the last chapeter of my story Control Room... I have always loved this scene in from the chapter The Prince's Tale. So hopefully, my version of it will do it justice... One can dream! As per usual, no, I do not own any of the characters from Harry Potter, all belong to the incredible JK Rowling. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Love, love- Johnni**


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